‘Your value does not decrease on the basis of someone’s ability to see you.’
When romantic phase overs, what awaits is the string of emotions that are difficult to overcome. Lots of people have strong opinions on how long it should actually take to get over a breakup.Dealing with a breakup can be the most devastating thing that can happen to anyone. This, perhaps, is the last thing anyone of us wants to happen.
I remember my first breakup like it just happened yesterday. In reality, it about a decade ago. I was in the first year of college. Everything was so good when suddenly I met my boyfriend. Initially, things were really good. We really were having a great time together until one day when he stopped calling me.
I still remember worrying about him. Is he fine? Where is he? Did something happen? Everything was absolutely perfect, except the fact that this was the beginning of something that I might have never imagined – the beginning of the end.
Not only did he stop meeting me at college, but he stopped texting as well. He stopped calling me. He started ignoring even my presence. It all came to a halt.
Our was an innocent, tender and young relationship. However, that really does not mean it was not significant. After all, it was my first tussle with love, and it broke me down completely. After days of ignoring, speculating and wondering, my boyfriend finally confided he wanted to break up. This was something that brought me to tears….that kept flowing.
For the next few days, all I did was crying, refused to get out of bed, even for meals. My friends told me I was just being dramatic and ridiculous and asked me to get out of it. But, it was not that easy and simple at all. Had it been possible for me to drove myself out of that situation, I would have. Well, what happened was completely different. I was going crazy wondering how long it will take to get over this breakup. When will I be fine?
What I failed to realize is that the answers to all these questions depended entirely on me. The only thing that we should understand is that drowning in tears will not help in overcoming the situation. All it will bring is heartache that will persist. The best way to deal with a breakup is taking proactive steps for healing.
Improve every single day and engage in activities that make you happy. And eventually, you will be back to a happy life again. Moral – you have to put in efforts to piece yourself together. You can say, a few weeks for grieving and then declare your breakup. Well, there is no telling how long it might take to get over a breakup.
Instead, you should focus on building yourself back up. When your heart has been broken, it can take a while to find your way back to normal. There are thus several factors which determine the length of time a person might take to recover from a breakup. Here are a few tips that would help you get over a breakup.
The right time to focus on personal goals
It is the right time to focus on your personal goals. Relationships are demanding and need a lot of commitment and time. Given that you are single again, you will think of relationship breakup all the time and energy you have put in it. Your goals had taken a backseat.
Now is the time to focus on personal goals. Perhaps, you have been thinking of planning a trip with your friends or you want to get back to the dancing class, running or singing. Irrespective of what your goals are, whether small or big, use this time to focus on them and achieve the best of them.
Talk to your support system
It is usual to accept that we need help. Most of us are not able to understand how crucial can it be. If you also think the same, then it is silly, considering we all require assistance at some or the other point. If you are struggling and stressed out after a breakup, talk to a family member or a trusted friend about it.
Admitting to your feelings and talking about them in open will help you in healing and ridding of the breakup. Also, your loved ones and support systems might offer a new and helpful perspective. However, if you do not feel comfortable talking to family or friends about your breakup then schedule an appointment with a relationship consultant or mental health professional.
Release the pain
While it might appear counter intuitive, it is important that you should not run away from painful feelings and emotions. Rather you should take the pain the way it comes and then express it in a healthy way. Journaling is one exercise that might help you. No medicine works better than penning it down.
Let your emotions flow through the pen. In fact, you can also write a letter to your ex expressing your feelings, what you are going through, what you think of them and how you feel about the breakup.
Once you have written it all, seal it, think that you have locked the entire pain inside it, and rip it apart or burn it or flush it. The main purpose of this exercise is to release those painful emotions and then rid of them.
As I mentioned earlier, it will take time as well as hard work to get over a breakup. However, you would start to feel better. As the process of healing unfolds, reflect on the breakup and your individual growth and progress, and think where you want to see yourself in the future.
What have you learned from the breakup? What have you learned about yourself? Try to identify the bad and good of your relationship. What did this relationship teach you? This will help you recognize and understand the breakup and your single stats as a valuable opportunity to grow and learn.