Marriage is called “Shaadi Ka Ladoo Jo Khaye Wo Pachhtaye Jo Na Khaye Wo Bhi Pachhtaye”– it means that you have to suffer whether do or don’t. We plan for everything, but plan standstills for the most unpredictable transition in life, that is marriage.
Yes! You have to prepare yourself for it.
You may notice, during the initial period of marriage, the new couple has the best time in life. They ignore every shortcomings and difference between them in the flow of extreme happiness and newness.It was stated by Dr Michael Gurian who is a social philosopher and American author.
He also works as a family and marriage counsellor and has given many strategic theories about the men, women and their relationship. He researched for a long time about how married life affects the neurological activities of a person.He observed the ins and outs of a person’s emotion beginning at the initial period of romanticism to emotions of the whole life being married.
When the newlywed couple come very close at the beginning of their married life a hormone named Oxytocin also known as “bonding hormone” is discharged from their brain. What does it help to do? It helps to set aside all the negative or disgusting factors of their behaviour and ignores it.
They feel one another flawless and attracts immensely but with the time pass by this behaviour of the emission is changed. Then the emotions flow to its second phase, where the feeling of negligence takes place slowly. And in the third phase, a touch of violence can be happened mentally or physically in between them.
All the three phases discovered by Dr.Michael Gurian is obvious for every couple after marriage. The counselling and way of preparing about marriage can help you to create a polite, sound and honest long lasting relationship.
Now let’s discuss the preparation about marriage and how you can get prepared.
In India, the wives left their parental house and live with husband and husband’s family, one of the great sacrifices of women in life. A woman should get prepared by knowing about self-adjusting power to live happily in there.
She should know the power in herself and use this to understand everyone and the situation in that new house and new family.
Similarly, a man should also get prepared to support his wife in every possible situation. Sometimes we see that during the conflict between the in-laws and the wife, husband can’t stand neutrally and the wife felt left alone there.
A husband should get the point that only he can act as a connection to both parties and clear the rifts. According to the family members and their behaviour husband should think himself the possible connection.
In western countries this is a major part of their lifestyle. But in our country, people find it useless or irritating or shameful. But it worked as the strong connection scientifically between two people, because the mind and body work concurrently with this.
The age, gender, personality, health, experience in life, lifestyle; all of these are responsible to create a different sex drive in life. So proper sex education is needful to enjoy life in both ends.
Planning for Earning Sources
In today’s world life is so much complicated and becomes more competitive. So you have to be prepared for the earning sources after the marriage. Life doesn’t make the same flow as always. Try to take the precaution in times of misery.
Always remember to fight with the sudden attack; warriors always keep the proper arrangement to be on the battlefield. Think the life a battlefield.
Give and Take some Time for the New Relationship
In an arranged marriage, give some time to the relationship to understand the future partner and the family. Try to understand their mentality, values, and educational backgrounds and connect to them. After observing all these you can skip or go ahead with the new turn. This will help you to downplay the differences.
In western countries, future couples go for pre-marital counselling most of the time but in India, pre-marital photo shoot is more popular then counselling. But this also is good as a couple has the time to spend together and understand each other.
In our country, we seek advice from our elders and relatives. It’s little risky as the people who are not physiologically expert can put your life in the wrong ways.
As for example, I heard about one woman that she was advised by one of her relatives that after marriages whenever your husband is in good mood ask for your favourite things. She follows her advice and asks for her favourite things from her husband.
After some time her husband started to feel irritated by her behaviour and he starts shouting at her and their relationships become problematic.
So don’t take any suggestion from the people who are not literally feasible to provide the best advice. Take counselling from an authorized counsellor or read some good books about the relation of husband-wife and rules of good conjugal life.
The couple can go along to the counsellor before the wedding. That could be the best effect on their life. Advising would help them to understand one another and take care of future conflicts.
Just love and respect is not enough for a healthy relationship. Adjustment is the most requisite term in every phase of life. So learn to be patient; learn to be understandable to others, and also figure out others to deal with them with a happy mood.