Being a Single Mother
Motherhood is the purest thing but the most hardworking and at the same time loveliest matter. It’s harsh to hear for the fathers, but it’s true that bringing up a child is possible without father but never without mother (except the exceptions). A child is the heart and part of the body of its mom.
Since the birth of the child, a mom gives her full attention and life to that child. The father supports that obviously in his system. Father is also important for the healthy growth of a child whatever it is for; can be mental, physical or financial. As the mom undertakes the baby by forgetting all the supporting factors, then who would maintain it? Off course the fathers! They make it easy for the moms to give her the whole day for the baby.
But the situation gets worse when the mother becomes single unluckily and all the other responsibilities fall upon her. She has to maintain all duties of a father and a mother both. Mandy Hale, the New York Times bestseller author said, “Single moms: You are a doctor, a teacher, a nurse, a maid, a cook, a referee, a heroine, a provider, a defender, a protector, a true superwoman. Wear your cape proudly.”
Some do not want to get married 2nd time for the sake of the baby. Then the word of “single mother” has been put on their life. Their 2nd life journey begins with their children. Let’s talk about some of the struggles and how to deal with those according to India-
A single mom should take responsibility for the earning member too whatever the job is. It would be tough for them if they are jobless before. Basically, while the expenses of them are bored by the father until those days, now the expenses of the whole life are to be going on the mother’s purse. So the burden of housing, medical, education, food, and entertainment all the expenses fall on her part. At the same time, she wants to maintain the level of expending for the children to keep them happy as like before. She wants to fill the demands and necessities as the children want.
At first, you have to believe that your children are the power from where you originated the stamina of everything. You have to wait for the changing of the situation and try harder to get the earning features. There are lots of activities that you can do according to your education and skills, find those and apply. On the other hand, you can take some loans from the trust-worthy relatives and SME from bank or NGO to set yourself with a small business. God is with you, and you can have the rights you would seek definitely. Believe in yourself.
Then comes the matter of the children’s usual acceptance of the financial condition. If the child is too small to understand then it’s easy to maintain the usual behaviour as you need. You can create new values and at home with behaviours. The problem occurs when the child is old enough to understand the sudden change in the situation. He or she can be frustrated, unmanageable and questionable about everything. You have to make a slight struggle to make him or she understands the whole situation and should give the lessons of the new life and new lifestyles.
You would be judged for everything
It is a very normal phenomenon in subcontinent country. You will be judged in everything. People would say that you are the one who has to be blamed for the break up with your husbands. You did not think about the children and make their life miserable by leaving your husband. Or you snatch the children from their fathers.
If the husband is dead for bad luck it is no surprise that the wife is accepted as a bad omen. You are the worst mom in the world who is so careless and selfish!!! and so on. Remember, people of society believe to have the responsibilities to talk rubbish, don’t deserve to listen to. Avoid all of them. Lead your life with the children and step forwards.
Jackie Kennedy, the first lady of the USA, 1963 said: “If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.” Judgmental people should be avoided always. I know some single mothers who had very little education but did never lose her hope, fought for the children and made them the most deserved persons in society. And then each and every ill speaker changed their tones.
Judgmental people always would arbitrate you during your bad times; these people would come to you for their help when you are in a good position in society. They just count you on your present, but just to remind you, days of all don’t pass at the same flow all the time.
Saving your children from those people
The hardest and saddest part is that in my sense. You can manage things but not your children themselves. They could be seen at narrow means as a part of a broken family. Sometimes you can find that parents of other children would not let their children join with yours by doing a negative approach.
This moment is very tough. You have to move your power to them, support them, raise them with great values and strength to defend those negative comments. Sometimes it may happen that you may change the area and school where the known persons live. To start a refreshed new life it’s necessary to do. You don’t have to consider it to be losing yourself; rather it’s the win-win situation of you and the children.
Finding your partner & the supporter of your children
If there is anything that you have nothing to do rather praying- is finding a new partner who would equally accept your children. I have even heard that some got a partner who was unmarried and accepted the children too after 7 years of single motherhood. So wait for your lucky charm!
Want to conclude with my favourite quote of Emma-Louise Smith, who is a popular single mom of the UK having a website named Savvy Solo Mama, “As a single mum you’ll discover inner strengths and capabilities you never knew you had.”